It Happened!

Today Hadley and I were sitting in our chair when the unthinkable happened.

We had been watching 'The Little Mermaid' - Well, I was watching it. She was flailing around on the floor and looking confused. I picked her up to sit with me and bounced her around a little, joining in with Sebastian to sing 'Under the Sea'.

And then, she smiled at me. A big, goofy, light-up-her-whole-face grin. It was quick and over way too fast, but I freaked out. She smiled at me! My baby approves of my substandard parenting! She forgives me for all the garlic in my milk!

And now, I completely understand why people do this. The burpings, the diapers, the 4-am wake up calls, the terrifying grunts and snorts emanating from the bassinet. I totally get it now.

The reward for this parenting thing is better than a Twinkie trunk turning over in front of my house, spilling free snack cakes out into the street. That used to be the best thing I could think of, before I saw my baby smile at me.


Don't deny it, you'd be all over free Twinkies.

The Nanny

I asked Moxie to keep an eye on Hadley while she was watching TV so that I could start dinner, and when I came back around the corner, this is what I saw:


Say what you will about my choice in childcare, but she lets me pay her in ice cubes. Mary Poppins, eat your heart out.

Rest in Peace, My Love

Tragedy struck the Bartz household this weekend when a beloved family member succumbed to a prolonged illness while making mashed potatoes.

The food processor - or Choppy, as it liked to be called - was born in a KitchenAid factory and was given to the Bartzes for their wedding. Choppy and the wife quickly formed a bond that few women have with their kitchen appliances, and they were soon inseparable. Choppy was very good at his job, especially making guacamole and mashed potatoes.

Choppy loved life and, most of all, loved food. He often took on his position as favorite appliance as a role of mentor, often counseling the blender and the toaster on how to improve their position in the kitchen. He spent many hours sitting with the Crock Pot, sharing their delight at being used so often by the Wife.

The food processor is survived by the stove, the knife block, and the mini-food processor; the Wife, the Crockpot (Also known as second-wife) and the mixer. He is preceded in death by the Wok and numerous plates.

Some appliances come into our lives and gather dust.
Others stay for awhile, leaving footprints on our hearts
And our cooking is never, ever the same.

One Month

I've only been at home by myself with Hadley for three days and I'm already positive that stay-at-home moms are some secret form of God, and/or masochistic gluttons for punishment.

This is hard. I feel bad because sometimes I find myself dreading the next day. Nobody warns you about all the little stuff babies do; the fact that she sounds like a velociraptor trying to hump a very reluctant elephant, for example. Or that when she's home alone with me, I have to resist calling her Damien, but when Daddy gets home we're happy as a cute little clam. Or that I can't put her down at all during the day, or she immediately screams like there's no tomorrow.

How do you do it?! I don't even remember my last shower. I was going to have a 'bedtime routine' every night where she got a bath, nursed, and we read a book before she slipped blissfully into sleep. It was a really pretty fantasy that will NEVER HAPPEN. Routine?! Does that even exist?! What if I'm breaking her by not establishing a routine! She'll grow up and be a stripper or a serial killer, and it'll all go back to her telling Diane Sawyer, "Well, when I was an infant my mother didn't establish any routines. So I killed my English professor and wore his head like a hat."

I might be going a little crazy. Only in the fun way though, not in the scary, serious way. I typically forget how frustrated I am as soon as she looks at me, or coos her approval around my boobie. So I guess it's a fair trade.

Success!

My low-birth-weight baby is now a breastfeeding success story.

Hadley was born three weeks ago weighing five pounds, six ounces. We took her home two days later at 5.1. I was determined to breastfeed and we went at it with gusto. Roughly a week and a half later, she weighed 5.14!

I'd been stressing over my supply because it seemed like I wasn't getting as much on the rare occasions I pumped; the MD told me to go ahead and pump after feedings to either get the hang of it and to try to increase my supply. At first I'd get four ounces per breast; lately I'd only been getting one or two but that seemed normal from posts I've seen on the internet from other nursers.

Well, we weighed Hadley today, two weeks after her last weigh in. She was SEVEN FOUR! I was so thrilled! My baby, who had been in the 5th percentile for size, jumped a whopping 5% and is now in the tenth percentile. The Pediatrician said she was perfect and doing amazing. He also said she was really strong and that she held her head up longer than he'd expect from a baby of her age and size.

This appointment thrilled me to no end. It's an amazing feeling knowing that your baby is thriving solely on the nourishment you give her. I sometimes hate getting up in the middle of the night, but at the same time I love snuggling up with her when it's just her and me, and it's all quiet in the world.

I look at her and I can't help but think that she was my reason for all that I am, and all that I've experienced in my life. At first I wondered why nobody ever told people about this; this furious and devoted love you feel for your child. And then I realized, if you don't have a child that you take care of or that you've birthed, you really just can't understand it.

Loving her makes me appreciate those who love me so much more. I love all of you so much, and I can't wait to see you.

Until then, have a cute picture.

Quickie

Everything's great, healing perfectly and we're nursing like champs. Here's some pictures to hold people over, feel free to pass them on.


Hadley Mae

BREAKING NEWS

Okay it's not really breaking news. I thought everyone already knew this, but after my marathon phone session with Amy, I was informed NO, NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING.

I'm having a c-section on Tuesday. That's right, THIS Tuesday! Cancel the Monster Trucks and the Swap Meet! The Half-Pint is making her appearance! Although I can't really call her Half-Pint anymore because she gained nearly a pound in...ten days, so I call her Chunk now. I won't call her that when she can hear me, don't get your panties in a twist! The last thing I want is my baby to grow up with a complex and anorexia and then she ends up on Lifetime in her own movie, played by Melissa Gilbert. If any nickname can lead in any way to Melissa Gilbert, it's not healthy on any level.

I actually thought of a great nickname for her the other night because we were lying in bed and once again, my womb was playing host to Fight Club. I thought to myself, gosh, she sure is sassy. And then it led to us having a dog named Moxie, who is also sassy, and it led to FURTHER thinking (I do a lot of internalized dialogue in bed) that I have a Moxie and a Chutzpah.

For you that are UNENLIGHTENED;

mox·ie (mks)

n. Slang

1. The ability to face difficulty with spirit and courage.

2. Aggressive energy; initiative: "His prose has moxie, though it rushes and stumbles from a pent-up surge" Patricia Hampl.

3. Skill; know-how.

chutz·pah also hutz·pah (tsp, ht-)

n.

Utter nerve; effrontery: "has the chutzpah to claim a lock on God and morality" New York Times.

---

[Yiddish khutspe, from Mishnaic Hebrew upâ, from ap, to be insolent; see p in Semitic roots.]

So, Chutzpah isn't nearly as cool as Moxie, it's more like the Robin to the Batman of Moxie, but that's okay. Moxie is the dominant force in this trainwreck and Hadley will probably be her willing sidekick anyway.

In other news, I'm knitting like crazy. If anyone wants a kid-or-infant-sized beanie, leave a comment. I'm knitting a two-tone purple striped beanie for Hadley-cakes (as her Daddy calls her) right now, but drop me a note and your email address and I can let you know the hojillion yarn colors I have. Bonus points if you request Hogwarts House Stripe Colors.