I didn't have much to post today, since all I did was play video games and paint miniatures and I didn't foresee doing anything more constructive. So, I thought I'd make a post on a combination of my soon-to-be activities: Parents and the Emergency Room.
Now, I get it. Kids get sick and parents freak. Nobody wants to see their baby sick. I get it! But some people really have to push my buttons. And for the record, I have a lot of buttons and they're very sensitive and they lead to a very sarcastic, acidic response that few can tolerate. I never mind the parents that come in with a sick or injured child and act a bit panicky or hysterical. This, I can understand. But the following examples - which I see on a regular basis - I have very, very little tolerance for.
Example #1 - The Psychic
This parent is always a fun arrival. Always. I say "fun" in the way I mean having a root canal is fun. These parents bring in their child with a panicky air because the kid's running a fever. Okay, fair enough. I've had the conversation below at least four times a month.
"Joanie (or whatever the kid's name is) is running a raging fever! I checked her all through the night and she's not getting better, and I don't know what to do!"
"Okay. What was her temperature when you checked it?"
"I don't know."
"Uh. . .pardon?"
"I don't know. We don't have a thermometer."
"But. . .okay, how did you 'know' she had a fever?"
"She felt hot."
". . .Okay. Did you give her any Tylenol or Motrin?"
"We can do that?"
YES. YES YOU CAN. YOU CAN GIVE YOUR CHILD MEDICATION TO REDUCE THEIR FEVER. I KNOW IT'S CRAZY. I KNOW I'M BEING A REVOLUTIONARY HERE. Also, YOU CANNOT RECORD A TEMPERATURE WITH YOUR HAND. Nine times out of ten, we take a temp on this kid and it's normal. Completely normal. The other one time, the kid has a fever of 105 and looks like death warmed over. Even so, BUY A THERMOMETER AND USE IT. I get the excuse a lot that "oh, little Bobby doesn't like the thermometer". Well, I don't like doing a lot of things, but guess what? He's going to hate the shot of antibiotics even more. Buy. A. Thermometer.
Example #2 - The Freeloader
Some parents, people or patients like to come to the Emergency Room and think it's a free-for-all. Free food, free blankets, free beverages. It's like flying first class! Never mind the fact that walking in, it sounds like a bomb going off and people are dying.
These people probably make me the most irritated out of the entire bunch of Parents who Piss Us Off. These people - usually the mothers, sorry - are the ones that bring in a child, usually a very small infant, because there's nothing wrong with it. The complaint is usually "He won't stop crying". Invariably, when we meet this child they are sleeping peacefully in their carseat. I'm sure crying is annoying, but crying is not an emergency. Ever. Not breathing? Emergency. Fussy? Not an emergency. Still with me? Okay, moving on.
It's not even that they bring their infant in for a bogus complaint. It's the real reason they bring him in. These people like to see how much they can get for free. They never have a diaper bag with them. For some reason, they don't have pacifiers, blankets, bottles, anything at home, they claim. They can't afford "all that stuff". (And we can tell the parents that are scraping together the cash for their kid, and we typically send them home with anything and everything we can.)
Basically, these (usually) women bring their babies in to see how much they can get from us. Diapers, formula, pacifiers, I've had a few even ask for baby clothes, a diaper bag, and a car seat. (The lady supposedly without a carseat learned quickly she'd outdone herself - I called CPS. It's illegal in the State of California for us to send home a new baby without making sure they have a carseat - why should it be any different if they're a few months old? And also, every hospital in this area GIVES YOU A DIAPER BAG WHEN YOU DELIVER.)
And it never fails, NEVER FAILS, that once they're done begging for baby needs, you notice. . . she's wearing expensive jewelry. She's got acrylic nails with fancy airbrush crap and little jewels on them. Her clothing is more expensive than anything you wear. And you sigh and give them a couple diapers and a pacifier, because even though you want to beat the shit out of her, it's not really fair to make the kid suffer.
Example #3 - The Enemy
And last but not least, the parents that bring so much happiness and joy to my life.
Let's be clear here. Kids hate me. Kids are smart and they recognize nurses and doctors, and those little boogers hate us. We are the enemy. We are needle-slinging, pain-causing, unsmiling jerks who act nice just so we can stab them. Kids that I've given shots to have seen me in the grocery store and ran screaming from the aisle. No joke.
That being said, a lot of this fear we can handle and process, and even do away with. I'd like to think we're pretty nice at my hospital. We have coloring books and movies and all of us nurses pretty much love kids, so we go the extra mile to be sure the experience is least traumatic as possible for kiddo and parent.
And then we get these parents. These parents are the one that, when the kid gets a little teary or even starts crying when he's dragged into the emergency room for whatever reason, the parent says, "Knock it off, or the nurse will give you a shot."
THANKS. THANKS FOR THAT. Now, not only is the child crying, his worst fears have been confirmed; I have an enormous needle at the ready to jab him whenever I feel like it, because I'm a sick, twisted adult that spends all day torturing kids just like him. So now, the kid is screaming, the parent is screaming at him to stop or the medical staff will do horrible things, and I'm sitting there just. . .staring.
Do these threats work? Ever? Seriously. I should know for when Peanut is born. Should I be taking notes here? My guess is a big, fat flaming NO.
I've started correcting parents on this little episode lately. I just can't stand it. It's not fair to the child OR to the staff that want to help that they're using us to threaten their child into submission. It never works anyway! And we KNOW the kid is going to cry around us. It's going to happen. We're prepared for it, it doesn't make the child a bad kid. I'd rather have the kid grow up and realize that when he was in the ER, yeah, some things hurt but the nurse was honest about it. Instead of "I cried in the ER and Mommy said if I didn't stop they'd give me a shot, AND THEY DID. I HATE THE WORLD."
So let's recap:
1. Keep a thermometer in your house. Yes, you can give Tylenol or Motrin for fever.
2. We are not a free Babies R' Us. We're here for when your kid really needs us.
3. Don't threaten your kid with what we may or may not do to them. It's only going to make their experience in the ER worse.
I'm sure I'll get some mother or father that stumbles across this and tries to make me feel bad for being so hard on poor, stressed, overworked parents, but I'm not ripping on those parents. I see plenty of poor, stressed, overworked parents that don't do ANY of these things.
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5 comments:
Holy crap.
My mom was one of the "Enemies." Unfortunately, I was a jaded little child and was not afraid of shots :(
Okay, so I now feel better about any trips I've taken to the ER. I am the type of parent who sits there and apologize profusely saying, "I swear she was coughing like mad before we left home. Even her Dr. could hear her through the phone and insisted we come in. I swear." Even after the diagnosis, "Yes, she does have croup," I'm still apologizing for the now sleeping infant. But now that I know you guys hand out formula, I'll make sure to at least stress how long its been since they last ate. That crap is EXPENSIVE!
You would love Spencer. In fact, if you ever come home for a visit, bring a stethoscope with you. He actually is disappointed if the Dr/nurse doesn't thoroughly check him out. Or when it's only Sophie's turn. It has been awhile since he's gotten a shot though, so we'll see what he thinks next time that part happens.
You have no idea what you are doing for my daily morale. Since you started blogging, my laughter has increased 150%. Seriously. I'll remember the ER gives away freebies, I have only been to the er once as a parent, Colton had an ear infection. We opted to not have the shot, he was afraid of the nurses and doctors already. But if you could slip all of us something that helped a child sleep....just think about it..
Dude, not only have you boosted my daily intake of laughter, but reading this makes me feel like a freaking wondermom!!! Yay! Seriously, my kids have always loved the doctor and our ER trips sound like a dream...for the staff that is, heehee. WOW, thanks for making me feel good about myself...keep it up!!!
I actually always feel pity for the parents who have a really sick kid at home, and then the kid conspires against them to look perfectly normal and peaceful at the ER. I know it happens, and I always feel so bad for the parents that SWEAR up and down they were sick at home. It's sort of funny at the same time, but I never really get irritated by those parents in the least, either.
We don't really make a habit of giving away free stuff, but if you're there and you forgot a bottle of formula or ran out of diapers, we at least have the basics.
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