There and Back Again

Home again, home again. Now that I'm done traveling the United States and waddling through a myriad of airports, I can sit and collect my thoughts. There's not a whole lot going on upstairs - I sort of feel like I'm getting really dumb, I can't even finish sentences anymore - but I did keep track of interesting moments during my trip to Minnesota for Jake's wedding. Jake is my brother in law; Danielle is my new sister in law. Hooray!

So, the list of Great Moments:

• When we arrived, we couldn't get our rental car because they did a credit check. Even though we had oodles of money in our account, our credit is about the same as an illegal immigrant from Panama that used his last rental car to transport drugs across the border. Budget not only wouldn't rent to us, I swear that the woman was searching beneath the counter for a gun. As a result of not getting a car and needing to travel the four hours to Bemidji, Chris (Matt's college roomate and our former groomsman) promptly hopped in his Kia, stocked up on Diet Coke, and we road-tripped it to Bemidji. His reasoning? "I didn't have anything to do today, and who wouldn't want to spend more time with Matt?"

• Tom. Tom gets to be a moment in himself because Tom is easily one of the coolest people I've ever met. He's a goofy dork that's utterly hilarious without even trying. All of Jake's groomsmen were really cool, but none of them captured Matt's heart quite like Tom. I never thought I'd see Matt have a man crush on a guy, but I was wrong. One of the many nights where Matt was blitzed off his little butt, he was rambling on and on in his drunken state when he cuddled up next to me in bed, kissed my cheek, and whispered, "Don't feel threatened by Tom. You're the only one for me." How reassuring.

• We found that Jake can finally say "Hadley" right, but only when he's drunk. It'll be fun explaining to her why Uncle Jake is always so happy. He got so drunk at Bar Night that I went from being introduced as "This is my sister-in-law Geri" to "That's my baby" while pointing at my belly.
  

• Danielle's bridesmaids were a study in cultural anthropology. These were the most immature, fake, plastic-ish twentysomethings I'd ever met in my whole life. Makeup always had to be perfect and they were amazingly selfish. Some of the gems they came up with:
• "I'm not ugly, but I'm cute at least."
• "When I get married I'll just marry for money, then looks. Definitely money first."
• "Danielle, this wedding better not take very long. Keep it quick."
• "I never want to go to the Emergency Room. It's all violent and icky and the workers there are so rude." (Yes. She said this to an ER nurse.)
• When we went out for the Bar Night, they couldn't hang out with the rest of us because we weren't cool enough. Tom couldn't get into a couple bars because of his license status, and they bitched about that nonstop until the rest of us gravitated as far away as we could. One of them tried to ignore me while standing next to me at the bar, as if she didn't know me...so I made sure to exclaim loudly about how happy I was to see her, touch her, and rub my big pregnant body all over her.

• My husband got so drunk at the reception he danced with people waiting for the bride during the dollar dance, pretended to make out with his own brother, tried forcing his sister into marrying Tom - "since that was the only chance of getting Tom into the family" , broke a candleholder by landing on it, and did his first shot of tequila only to promptly puke on the floor and all over the front of his tux. I think he realized I was upset when we got home and he asked, "When we go to sleep, do I get to sleep downstairs with you or do I have to sleep upstairs...?"
  

• As I was hugging my brother in law after the wedding, he whispered, "I'm so glad you came. It made it way more special."

• As I was leaving, Matt's Grandma told me that I was a very pretty pregnant lady.

• Hugging my Mother-in-law goodbye, she told me she loved me for the first time.